People always talk about going somewhere and starting
new, somewhere where no one even knows their name. They talk about leaving and
adventuring out alone and they always romanticize it. But truthfully I think
people forget about the alone times. The times when the suns out and there’s no
one around to share it with. The times when it’s dark at night and there’s no
one around to hold you. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I haven’t quite figured out
how to put myself out there and just meet people or to just be able to be by
myself. I mean, I’m not the kind of girl to go out to the bar or to walk up to
a stranger and introduce myself. But really, I enjoy being alone, so I guess
just as a human I miss the companionship. I miss knowing people are around that
actually care to know my name. Whether for good or bad reasons. Someone
recognizable not just from seeing them at the same place each day but because
they take the time out of their life to be that recognizable person.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Thoughts
These last two weeks I have been jotting down random thoughts on a Word document and they may not really make sense but they're me. And they may not always be politically correct or proper or whatever but if this blog is about my journey than these parts of me are important to share too, so here they are:
And also, people forget it’s okay to cry. Though people
never really see me cry, I cry at least every second day. And I’m glad I can.
There are so many people who are trapped and they can’t even cry. I may not
always be okay, and I certainly do not have things figured out and that is
exactly why I’m glad I can cry.
I worry about people who don’t even know I still care
about them or ever even think of them. I worry because for whatever reason I am
not there with them and I know that nothing I could have done, not even loving
them endlessly has helped them.
It’s scary how much something so irrelevant to your life
can affect you so much. Like that one person who made your life miserable years
ago, how upon seeing how great their life is you feel empty with that feeling
of despair they thrust upon you time and time again as they snickered at you in
disgust.
I’m not sure what happened. All I know is that it has
been a long time coming. People change. Such is life. But what exactly happened
to make two people go from being inseparable to basically strangers?
More than anything I want you to know how loved you are. More
than anything. You are loved more than you could even fathom, more than I could
ever express. My heart aches knowing of this love that you haven’t seen yet. I
wonder how I will ever be able to adequately show it to you so that maybe you
will catch a glimpse of it. You are loved. Everything you ever desired stems
from this Love. From Love Himself. He created you to love you and to be loved
in return by you. So sweet and complex and greater than your mind will ever
understand but your heart and soul will sing so true if you would let it in. If
only you knew it existed. If only you knew how real it truly is.
We are so loved by our Maker / He never stops pursuing us.
There's a train leaving your heart tonight.
There's a silence inside your head and you're running from it.
Down the tracks on a midnight line.
There's a red moon in the sky and you're running from it.
But I'm coming for you wherever you go.
Wrestling angels till dawn breaks through
There's a blessing in the wound and you're running from it.
When all your demons are at your door
it's a soldier they're looking for and you're running from it.
But I'm coming for you wherever you go.
Across the sea, the space between everything you think
You know - the things you keep and bury deep underneath
The melting snow - I'll follow.
I'll follow.
Fathers & mothers don't always come through
but I'm never gonna stop following you
Prophets and lovers don't always hold true
but I'm never gonna stop falling for you
So when your wine's all gone and your well runs dry,
Open your hands and look into my eyes; all that you see here,
you'll soon leave behind, so open your hands and look into my eyes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)