The Boy I Thought I Would Marry: Part 1 of 4

2015-01-30

Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing. I was doing good pretending and I was fairly happy and I could have kept it up for another year I'm sure. But now you're rocked the boat and you're bringing me around for the complete 360. And I all know for sure is I can't, I need out, I need gone.

2015-12-30

I just noticed it's been 11 months since you first messaged me again. I remember clear as day sitting on her bed playing around on our phones when I got a message. You hadn't even crossed my mind as a possibility. We chatted casually for a few hours and then you randomly stopped. Disappeared until the next day. Looking back that seems to have been the theme of this random encounter we carried out for the next 8 months. You disappearing. 

Changes.

I didn't post because I felt that I couldn't if I wasn't walking in the way of the Lord. I am well aware of how lost I've let myself become. But you know what -these are my emotions and my thoughts. This is my blog. There is nothing more real to blog about than what is real. So I will lay it all out and if you feel you can relate or can offer something, great. I'll take it.

So on that note I have decided to unload the short notes I have been writing for the past year and hiding. They are beautiful to me and they are raw. There are many situations that will contribute but there will also be a series focused on one relationship and how it has evolved. I pray that as I finally open these up that I will find peace in the results I have been left with.