Someone Like You

I had the best Valentine's Day with you. It wasn't even a date. I went to class, came back took a nap, picked up the flowers my mom sent before I spent the rest of the evening curling my hair. I borrowed K's car and picked you up and we went down the hill to Sonic. You got food and I so typically got a hot fudge milkshake. We sat and talked for a couple hours before you had to go back. I had such a good time. I can't even remember now what all we talked about but I know we covered pretty much anything and everything. You opened up and finally told me about you. You cracked my thumbs for me (like only you can) and I remember leaving my hand in yours and looking up at you. I was never physically attracted to you before that moment. But I looked at your lips and thought about kissing them. Months later you admitted to wanting to but thankfully you didn't. It would have ruined it. I know you're not perfect but there was something. You would laugh at how easily distracted I could be, get annoyed at how I could never walk in a straight line, and tell me how cute I was every time my nose would get red in the cold. I was taller than you in heels but it didn't bother me. You could play piano amazingly and I wasn't even jealous (which is huge). I met so many people just by sitting down for supper with you. People gravitated to you. I pushed your buttons and you drove me bonkers with your sometimes over confident attitude. You're there and in love, and I am here and a mom. I'm okay with that and I never thought I would want to be anything more than friends with you but I guess you showed me how it is like to be treated by a truly Godly man and I can't seem to shake that.

I have dated two people. One person was a best friend & a first, the other was a soulmate & a partner. But you were something absolutely and completely different. Thank you for not pursuing me. Thank you for respecting me. Thank you for being my friend.

A definition to remember

Yesterday I visited with L. We were discussing changes and expressing our condolences to things no longer. We were talking about aggression and she said that most often it is rooted in anger. We agreed that it is good to stick up for yourself and to be sure-footed but questioned whether being forceful and over-assertive was really needed to achieve the results desired. It was as we sat, talked and shared about the journey that has brought us each to motherhood that I received a truly genuine and honoring compliment that I want to remember. I had told her that many of my friends at school would turn to me for support; a push to stick up for themselves and not be walked all over. That they would tell me I could always tell it how it was when they needed to hear it. I pondered if it were possible to be aggressive only in certain contexts and L expressed that she believed what it really is, is that I am bold. 

" bold

bōld/
adjective1.
(of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.    "

I think that is beautiful. I think that to live a bold life is a fulfilling, honest, genuine, and humble life. I want to strive to always be bold. Not just when it is easy, or natural but when no one is looking; when I'm fighting my demons, when I'd rather do the easy than do the right. 

Unsuspected Benefits of Old Messages

I have no idea what this is from, who wrote it, or where I found it but I do think that it is worth reading. I had sent it to him a few years back and stumbled upon it when looking through old messages. It's funny how you find things you think other people could benefit from and upon reflection it is actually what you need to be hearing yourself:

Don’t draw back because you feel like you can’t do it.You want to know how to pick up where you left off? Just get real with Him, and do it. Don’t run away in that self pity mode that reeks of that all-too-familiar “but it’s been so long and I just don’t know how to get back where I was, so I’m just gonna coast in my distance from Him because I can’t do this anyway”, attitude. What kind of fruit is that producing in your life? Shame…and running from God. AKA: A pretty good sign this is not an attitude or heart posture coming from the Holy Spirit. AKA: LIES.
God changes your heart as you put yourself before His face. You are changed as you pursue relationship & get to know the person of Christ. Not as you strive and stress and try to get righteous & perfect before you come to Him. Practical: Talk to Him. Talk to Him as you read about Him. Use your imagination as you pray. Seek the Holy Spirit inside you, don’t strive to like “get into that place”, or “worship enough to get His approval”. You've got it. You've got Him.
Here’s the deal: God loves you and accepts you because of the blood of Jesus. He enjoys you. He delights in His creation. He actually longs to set you free from whatever funk you've wallowed into or ended up in. If you have all kinds of messed up sin in your life, fess up, repent (get God’s perspective on it, and choose to walk in that & agree with that), and realize you are already accepted. You are already the beloved. Any true change that will come in your heart will come out of encounter with Him & His great love for you as you yield areas of your life within His grace as he highlights them.
He made this thing people friendly. It isn't impossible. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Focus on your relationship with the Ancient of Days, Father God, who loves you, made you for Himself, loves you infinitely. Connect with the love affair, and your sin issues will work out and your fears will be destroyed by His love.
He knows you can’t do it. He sees all of your heart & isn't shocked by it. He’s like “Come to me, come close, I will help you, I will fix you. Seek me with your whole heart.” This isn't a “see who can get the most brownie points with God” popularity contest. He isn't shallow. He wants intimate relationship.
Beloved, embark on the greatest love affair you will ever encounter. Just do it. Risk it all. He’s worth it.