1.12.9.5.

It’s an interesting concept. To love someone and to dislike them all at once. It seems like it contradicts itself or is unhealthy but is it really? There have been so many times in my life that I have disliked a parent or a sibling yet I maintained my love for them. So why is it so foreign and wrong to dislike someone who isn't family but love them all the same? 

I will always love you. It’s written in my heart. I don’t let go. I cannot. 

Your name is still the answer to my bank security question. 

As much as I disagree with you on many regards, and as much as I believe that it is best our toxic relationship has come to a close, I love you. Some things will never change. 

I hope one day you’ll realize that I never thought I was better, never didn't care or dislike the other important people in your life. I simply could not maintain the cycle we were in. 

Having a young child does that you know. You lose the energy to keep up old charades, playing games. 

That doesn't mean that for one second I wasn't ever angry or that I didn't think of explaining and refuting every point you brought up. How many times did I consider driving to your house and confronting you and not leaving until we fixed things. I have done it before but it came time to let go. 

So yes, I dislike you. But this doesn't mean I don’t love you all the same.