2015-12-19
Your eyes were the most beautiful eyes I ever looked into. And your hands as rough and disfigured as they were, were the most comfortable hands I've ever held. And your lips, your ears, your nose, together made the most genuine face I've ever felt look back at me. The sculpture you called a body was the most warm and comfortable bed I ever laid upon.
This is what it looks like to romanticize a person.
2015-12-19
Even now when I see your picture or your face in a memory I still light up the way I did when I called our forever. With all the time and hurt and distance and change, the look doesn't. I still see you. I wonder if you still see it too.
2015-12-29
I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying. But I feel empty and broken and numb. Not the numb that you feel absolutely nothing but the kind you feel like everything good has been iced over and all that's left is bleak. I hurt. I lost my words. If I pause all I see is you and I can't find words to get you out or a way to let go. You were everything to me. Everything.
2015-12-29
There are a lot of good people Jordan. There is a whole world outside of what you know.
These thoughts aren't my own no matter how hard I try.
2016-01-31
It comes in waves really. And if I think too hard about it I feel pretty pathetic having feelings for someone who has completely moved on. But it's waves. And gradually you will fade away until you are just a fleeting thought when someone says your name. I wanted to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. I thought I would. I also thought I would have graduated from university and move to Oregon and who knows what other plans I had. They didn't happen. You and I didn't happen. It was a nice thought though and I hope you enjoyed entertaining it as well.
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